Networking Guide > Lesson 3
Pick the Right Rooms and Avoid the Wall of Shame
Lesson 3 of 4 · About a 9-minute read · By Lane Kawaoka · Updated November 2026
Short answer
Free, general networking events mostly draw people who are there to sell or to get something. Curated events, where people paid to attend and were screened, draw more serious investors. Once you are in the right room, watch for the thinking mistakes that cost investors money: holding losers, overconfidence, following the herd, refusing to change your mind and chasing bragging rights.
What I saw at a $15 networking event
I once went to a general meetup for professionals. I was not looking to sell anything, but I was curious because it was a nice downtown venue with over 100 people. The crowd was tough to break into, partly because I am not a natural extrovert and partly because I was talking about real estate investing. The median age was in the early 30s, with all kinds of professions. Most people were career-focused and early in their careers, so they were hustling for leads, clients and even jobs. They did not have much money to put into deals, and they were happy with their jobs and their 401(k). Most of them had never heard of the ideas we talk about in alternative investing.
You could call BS and say I went in with a negative mindset. But I got the feeling that a lot of people in the room were there to pass out cards with a what-can-I-get mindset. A few examples:
- A broker from a big bank hopped around the room interrupting conversations to collect cards, pitching a 1% money market account with a $100,000 minimum. To give her the benefit of the doubt, I asked about portfolio loans like the ones I had gotten from small banks. She said she was just collecting cards tonight. That is when I stopped handing out mine.
- A Realtor gave me his card after we traded backgrounds, without really looking me in the eye. I had just told him I do not buy in Washington State because of cash flow, especially retail MLS properties, so the card made no sense. He was in his mid-50s and still did not get the whole idea of networking. There is almost always a way two people can help each other, other than one selling to the other.
- A few guys were mostly there to pick up dates, and it got worse in the second half of the evening.
- And no night is complete without a couple of 22-year-olds talking about the secret and selling knives and supplements (MLM).
Why the cheap room was the red flag
In hindsight, the low price was the first red flag. The entrance fee is not everything, but the people who pay $10 to attend a meetup are different from the ones who go to a free one. Take that a step further and think about who shows up at events that charge $500 to $15,000.
The second red flag was that it was billed as a networking event. Those tend to be bad because everyone is out for something. Someone who has truly made it and can move mountains is not going to a networking event. You get what you pay for. This one cost $15 and came with a free drink, which I needed.
The same what-can-I-sell-you energy shows up in timeshare pitches. Two short clips on that: sell your timeshares now and how sneaky timeshares are (2 min each).
Watch: Po and I on walk-and-talk masterminds, a better format than a crowded room (11 min, The Rich Life Podcast, November 2025).
The wall of shame: five thinking mistakes to avoid
Getting into the right room is half of it. These are the mistakes I see smart people make once they are there.
Deprival super-reaction tendency
People would rather avoid a loss than make a gain. We react more strongly to losing something we already own. I see this when someone bought land that does not cash flow or a bad turnkey rental and will not sell at a loss, even though they have no other capital to get moving again.
When I lost $40K in a deal, my first instinct was to hold on and stick my head in the sand. Selling at a loss and moving on freed up my mental bandwidth, and I could put my energy into the next good deal. I wrote about it in Fundamentals to Losing $40,000 as a Passive LP Investor.
Excessive self-regard tendency
We overestimate our skills, which leads us to overestimate our decisions and the value of what we own. Investing takes confidence, but too much of it has people believing they are better at picking stocks or deals than they are. I run into this with people coming over from stock trading, or people who are brilliant in computer science and assume that carries over. If you are doing well watching charts 28 hours a day, awesome for you.
Sometimes someone argues on a call that multifamily beats a single-family rental because they have listened to 1,000 hours of podcasts, but they have never run even one rental. Real estate is simple. It mostly takes soft skills and the network to do it well, which levels the field a bit like ultimate frisbee, where the most athletic person does not always win.
Consistency avoidance tendency
Something that worked in the past is not guaranteed to keep working, because markets change. It is hard to stay objective and go against your own old operating system. That is why on the podcast we ask guests what they once believed, set their ego aside on, and realized was wrong.
Social proof tendency
We look for people who think like we do, and we do things because someone else did, instead of on the merits or after our own research. That leads to herd thinking. For example, Investor A tells Investor B that Operator C is great. Investor A cannot run the numbers and has only invested in a few deals with a different operator. Investor B invests with Operator C anyway.
Charlie Munger told a story about a wave of big oil companies buying fertilizer companies, each one following the last because a competitor had done it. There was no good reason, and it went badly for all of them. Combine excessive self-regard with social proof and you get groupthink. I have seen it in groups I paid to be in, and I watch for it as our own investor community grows.
From my own investing
A big following is not a track record. I got burned on my first deal back in 2012 because I invested with someone I found instead of someone I knew. There was no relationship and no real diligence, just a good pitch.
Podcasts, YouTube and paid ads prove someone is good at marketing. They do not prove an operator can execute. Today I invest with people I trust and that people in my community have already invested with.
Envy and jealousy tendency
It is impressive when someone says they own 2,600 units. Not going to lie, it turns into a contest. You might see a 310-unit deal and a 424-unit deal come by and want in just to raise your unit count. Stick to your underwriting standards and do not compromise.
Deals are like airplanes. Everyone waves and cheers when the plane takes off, but once it disappears over the horizon, nobody knows if it made it. Some planes leave with a quarter tank of gas or a drunk pilot. Often the deals you do not do, even when walking away costs you $50,000 of earnest money, are the best decisions you make, because they save you money and life energy.
Key takeaways
- Free, general networking events mostly draw people who want to sell or collect cards. The more people commit to be in a room, the more serious the crowd.
- Look for curated events where attendees are screened, and formats like small masterminds where real conversations happen.
- Watch for the five mistakes: holding losers, overconfidence, refusing to change your mind, following the herd and chasing bragging rights.
Ask AI about this lesson
Paste this into ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini or Perplexity and fill in the brackets. AI tools can be wrong, so treat the answer as a starting point, not a decision.
I am deciding whether to attend [event name, cost and who it is for]. Using the lesson at thewealthelevator.com/home/guides/networking-guide/pick-the-right-rooms/ as background, help me judge whether the room is likely worth my time, which red flags to watch for, and which of the five thinking mistakes (holding losers, overconfidence, refusing to change my mind, following the herd, envy) I am most at risk of given [my situation]. Do not recommend specific investments or sponsors.
Related reading from the blog
Talk it through with us
Tired of card-swapping rooms? Everyone at our member events is screened, so you know who you are talking to. Join the club and book your onboarding call with us.
Join the club and book your onboarding callJoining is free.
The podcast behind this course
The Rich Life Podcast
Dr. Po Wu and I talk about the parts of a good life that money alone does not fix: friendships, marriage, health and finding your people.
Listen on Apple PodcastsWatch on YouTubeThis is educational content, not investment, tax or legal advice. We are not attorneys, CPAs or financial planners. Private investments are illiquid and carry risk, including loss of capital. Offerings are available only to accredited investors and only through offering documents. Please let us know if you need a referral to a 💼 CPA, ⚖️ lawyer or other vendor here.